I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
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You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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