I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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