im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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