They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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