why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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