it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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