Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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