its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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