Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How does one acquire holy water?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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