We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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