I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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