I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize