Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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