if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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