Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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