My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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