If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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