Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize