Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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