dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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