Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
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You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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