"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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