dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize