Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
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He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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