a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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