i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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