Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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