Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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