We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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