He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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