God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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