He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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