mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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