this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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