maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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