hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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