I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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