First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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