Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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