Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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