Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize