You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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