id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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