Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize