its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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