He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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