My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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