If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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