the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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