After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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